Saturday, July 13, 2013

Better Late Than Never

Today, we woke up early. The last morning in Idaho. We spent it working. Laid sod. Did I want to? Course not. (Why the hell would I really want to work?) Eventually I found a groove. Plugged some music in and started cutting and slamming down sod. I liked it. Felt like a giant puzzle we were creating and solving simultaneously. I got a lot of time to think (tasks like that tend to give you that), and I realize there was a point where my work began to seem a lot more efficient and meaningful. Like I was getting something done and I love that feeling.

I decided that I was determined to get that yard done. And it fucking got done. (In hindsight, I should have gotten pictures. It was a damn fine looking yard.) After that point where the determination set in, I felt more inspired (if that's even the right word for that), and a start dropping pieces into slots and cutting things. Someone called for a break, but I wasn't done with my puzzle yet. I kept going. The music was break enough for me; my puzzle was getting done.

It's taken way to long, but I got it. (Not just laying sod. In life.) I realize life is coming at me. It comes at everyone. Like a freight train. Starts off slow. Picks up. Picks up some more. Picks up so damn much nothing can stop it. Suddenly it slams you. You've gotta ride along on the front; if you don't have the strength or endurance to climb around and into a car then you're in for a hell of a ride. I finally am taking more effort to get my shit together. Everything I can to be ready for the real world.

In writing too. It's all I can do. Even if I think I suck, it's the only thing I'm actually good at. And I have to go at it full force. I started writing a novel. It's a story that I really love. Told myself "this shit is getting fucking published if it kills me." Got a good few words in. (I stopped during this trip. It's hard to write on vacation, but I'll be back to it once we get back.) But that's always been my problem. Determination. I'm never determined enough to finish. I always start but I can never push through to the finish line. That is where many, many people's problems lie.

You can want to do something all you like. You can even start it. Starting is the easiest thing in the world. What's tough is getting to the end. The fight from one to one-hundred percent is harder than any other part. In running, the hardest part is enduring to the end (obviously). Fighting, the hardest part is lasting longer than your opponent (to the finish). Building a house, it's pushing until the job gets done. In writing the hardest damn part is reaching the end. Because only then do you get to embrace that feeling of victory. Only then can you look back and marvel at the thing you've created.

You (and me) have to push until you're victorious. Until every last person that said "there's no way you'll succeed" is left behind. You can't let anything stand in your way. Find your determination. Find your groove and run it. Laziness and distractions will always be your enemy (trust me, I know). Fight them until you win; if you beat them you're that much closer to beating whatever you're doing.