Talk to Yourself About Yourself

After an interesting conversation with a friend of mine, I figured I'd share some of the same stuff I shared with her there. Except better, because things always sound better on a blog than a text message (at least in my experience). So here goes, we're going to talk about psychology a little bit.

It's been proven that acting a certain way (regardless of how different it is from what you really feel like) will affect the way feel. For example, smiling and acting as though you're happy even though deep inside you're really flaming with hellish anger will actually help to put you in a better mood. One rather cool thing as well, normally when you're pretending or acting, you're giving yourself mental reminders the whole time to remain that way, intentional or no.

This is called "self talk" and it's what I'd really like to discuss. (Not dismissing the previously mentioned idea, though; that's important too.) Self talk is a key in changing an outlook, an attitude, actions, beliefs, etc. because self talk is the things that you tell yourself on a normal basis. It's the voice in your head that tells you that you're going to screw up so badly right before you give a speech or that you're definitely prepared for the final exam you're about to take. And usually? Well, usually you're self talk is right. Why? Because if you tell yourself something enough, you will believe it. (Seriously.)

Living Up

Ever expected something but ended up being not so thrilled with the result? Happens to me all of the time. Happens to other people about me pretty often, too. Because, the thing is, you don't always live up to expectations. Sometimes you're not spectacular. Sometimes you're just different. Sometimes... Well, sometimes it takes some work to find out exactly what you are.

Let's use pirates as an example. Why pirates? Because pirates are fucking cool. That, and they don't live up to their name either. Let me explain.

I've had this craze with pirates as of late. It started with this Wizkids pirate game they stopped making a few years back. Then came Alestorm, the (awesome) pirate metal band. (Check them out at www.alestorm.net.) After that, I rewatched all four of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Which, by the way, are excellent movies. Finally, I began to recall and toy with Captain Viktor and his pirate crew, who are my main characters in a collab project I'm currently working on with my friend Amelia Lynn. So, I did some research (out of pure curiosity, mind you) and very quickly I began to realize that Disney's freedom-fighter pirates only vaguely resembled actual, historical pirates.

Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep (Borderlands 2 DLC)

Tiny Tina is back. And she's brought with her more than any Borderlands player could have expected. This DLC is a game within a game; the vault hunters of Borderlands 1 play a spinoff version of Dungeons and Dragons titled 'Bunkers and Badasses.'  You are their character(s). 

 

Enter Flame Rock Refuge, where it's eternal night and things have gotten a little out of hand. The queen has gone missing, captured by the Handsome Sorcerer (pleasantly bringing back with him the voice of Handsome Jack). A curse has been placed upon the land, and it's up to you and a few unlikely allies to save the queen and break the curse. 

The Blue Blazes - Chuck Wendig

Chuck Wendig just recently released his new book, The Blue Blazes, and I will admit I'm interested. I don't normally find myself reading things like this, but I've been following Mr. Wendig for long enough that I finally decided to snatch up a book of his.

The Blue Blazes is the story of Mookie Pearl. He's a big guy with a lot going on. He's part of New York's criminal underworld. He fights the supernatural underworld beneath our world. Things go as usual (if fighting goblins and finding Blue can be considered usual) until his daughter shows up at his place after several years of silence. That's when everything changes, and everything starts falling to pieces.

Hobby

Writing is a hobby, not a career. Yes, you can get payed for a hobby. Yes, some people manage to make decent careers off of them. But you have to be good to do that. You have to have the skill set right out the door to be a writer. You have to be patient. You have to be determined and able to finish. You have to be strong willed and able to swallow rejection to be a writer.

I am not a writer. 
 

It kills me to think that, even moreso to type it. But the truth is unavoidable. You have to have the skill before practicing to make it in the bloody, competitive, tooth and claw writing world. You need to be some sort of prodigy before you even try. You already are at a disadvantage if you need to practice to get good. You're already behind. In the creative community, every disadvantage is killer. There are however many more gladiators, if you will, above you in the chain with that many fewer opponents to cut through than you do. It's deadly, entering the world of creatives. Just putting your foot in, a story story written on the side, is dangerous. Trying to make a career out of it? That's like leaping right into the lion's den--no, right into the mouth of the lion.  

And sure, a an average writer from the start I am, I think, probably ahead of some people. But how many others are above average, or even above that? Already ahead of me with the skills and determination to get better. I tell myself I'll get better; I tell myself I'll put in more effort; I tell myself I'll take writing more seriously. But it never lasts. How could it with so many other things? Things that take me away from it while I think, "why?" Because I'm not a writer, that's why. 

It begs the question, then, what am I? That, my friends, is what I intend to find out.